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Funny Stuff

Since today is your birthday, I think you deserve a few laughs or smiles, to make your day even brighter.

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Some Good, Clean Jokes
 
Q:What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's
Witness with an atheist?
 
A:Someone who knocks on your door for no reason!
 
Where is God?
 
There were these two little boys named Jason and Ryan who were always getting into mischief. Their mother had tried every form of discipline but nothing worked. So one day, the boy's mother takes them to the pastor of a church and he has a talk with them.
 
" Where is God?" the pastor asks Jason and Ryan in a stern voice.
 
None of the boys says a thing, they just sit there completely still and silent for they were too nervous to speak.
 
" Where is God?" the pastor asks in a louder voice.
 
The boys then run out of the room in the panic and then try to find a good place to hide.
 
Ryan says to Jason, " God is missing and he thinks we did it!"

Church Members Looking at their watches

 

One minister says that it doesn't bother him at all if his members look at their watches during his sermons. It does affect him, however, when someone not only looks at his watch, but also holds it up to his ear to see if it's still running

The Love and Peace of God

Pastor, your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God

After a very long and boring sermon the parishoners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons."Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God!" The pastor was thrilled. "No-one has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. Tell me why." "Well - it reminded me of the Peace of God because it passed all understanding and the Love of God because it endured forever!"

Keeping the Ten Commandments

Harold and Jane was not a very religious couple but tried their best; they only went to church once a year. As they were leaving the church, the minister said, “Harold, it sure would be nice to see you and Jane here more than once a year” “I know,” replied Harold, “We're very busy people, leading active lives but at least we keep the Ten Commandments” “That's great,” the minister said. “I'm glad to hear that you keep the Commandments.” “Yes, we sure do” Harold said proudly, “Jane keeps six of them and I keep the other four”.

 

Church Bulletine Bloopers

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

 

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm-prayer and medication to follow.

 

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

 

A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

 

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.